MR. BINKS FROM 
1/ BINKTOWN. 






A FARCE IN ONE ACT 



By Dr. Albert Carr. 

\ 



\ 



MR. BINKS FROM 
BINKTOWN. 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT. 

By Dr. Albert Carr. 

CopyiHght, 1910 by Albert Carr. 



CAUTiON. The presentation of this farce for 
profit without the permiBsion of it's propriator 
is strictly forbidden. Managers desiring to 
produce this farce are respectfully request«d 
to communicate with the author. * 



FIRST EblTION. 

HILL CITY 8. D. 

1910 






CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



JEREMIAH POPPLETON. 

Alias Mr. Binks from Bin-ktown. 

V 

MARK HORTON. A youog lawyer. 



ETHELINDA POPPLETON. 

Jeremiah's fascinatiDor young 
wife seeking divorce. 

FANNY FENTON. 

Horton's stenographer. 



©CI,D 22208 



MR. BINKS FROM 
BINKTOWN. 



ACT I. 

SCENE. Waiting-room in the 
office of Mark Horton at Sioux 
Falls, S. D. Door in rear scene, R. 
ivith the words ''Private Office'' oh it. 
Door, L. Screen, left front. Fanny 
Fenton discovered seated at tkjpe- 
ivriter, type-ivriting. 

PaoDV. {Working type-writer.) Sioux 
Falls, S. D.— that's done, and I am glad 
of it. These divorce cases are very 
hard on the machine. They stir the 
feelings of the writer so, [Reads.] 
Ethelinda Poppleton versus Jeremiah 
Poppleton. [To audience.] Ethelinda 
is suing her husbani^, Jeremiah, 
for a divorce. Mark Horton is her 
attorney. Mrs. Poppleton is twenty 
four, and Mr. Poppleton, forty 
two. They have been married about 
four years. They have no children. 



4 MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

tier complaint is, that Mr. Poppleton is 
too humorously eccentric, and utterly 
void of aoy sentimental refinement. 
Upon this plea she bases her action for 
divorce. Mr. Poppleton is quite wealthy. 
He deals in fast horses. I am sure he is 
a sport. I like sports. I believe I'd 
like him. Mrs. Poppleton is very hand- 
some, and she knows it. Mr. Horton 
Beems to know it, too. Mrs Poppleton 
came here to Sioux Palls about a 
month ago. Mr. Poppleton iti back home 
ID Indiana. Mark Horton appears very 
much interested in his client, Mrs. 
Poppleton. If he comes spooning 
around me again, I'll remind him of 
that faet. 

Enter Mark Horton from 
private office. 

Mark. Weil, sweetheart, how are yo u 
getting along with Poppleton versus 
Poppleton? 

Fanny. I am not your sweetheart, 
Mark Horton, I am your stenographer. 

Mark. It amounts to the same thing- 
When a lawyer selects his stenographer, 
he selects hfer because — 

Fanny. Because, what? 

Mark. Because—ahe suits him. 



MR. BINKS FROM BINKTOWN. 5 
Fanny. Does he accept his female 
clients on the same grounds? 

Mark. Well, no — hardly. As soon as 
you have that testimony type- written, 
place it on my det-k. I am going to the 
bank. If Mrs. Poppleton should come, 
while I am out, tell her I will return 
shortly, and show her into my private 
office. 

Fanny. (Snappishly.) What will she 
do there alone— without you? 
Mark. Wait— wait for my return. 

[Exit at door, L. 
Fanny. The wretch! He has been 
trifling with my affections, I ought to 
sue him for breach of promise. I will 
do something— something that will learn 
him to love one woman at a time. 

[Slams type writer ; bundles up 
papers, and with papers in hand, 
exits into private office, hanging 
door behind her. 

Enter Jeremiah Poppleton at 
door, L. Is in rich but sporty 
dress. Has gold-headed cane, 
diamonds and red plaid vest. 

Jeremiah. Well, here you are, Jere 
miah Poppleton. My wife is here, and 
I am here. I know she is here, but she 



6 MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

doD't know I am here. Here, I can 
observe her, without being observed. 
She's after a divorce. I'm after her. 
Oh, she's a canary! Just now, ihe's on 
the wing. While she flies high, I'll lay 
low. I can't give up my canary. If 
she gets a divorce, she'll have to do 
some wise work. I have registered at 
the hotel as Mr. Binks from Binktown. 
I told them Binktown was in Indiana, 
but not on the map. When I told them, 
it was not on the map, I told them a 
positive truth. [Looks around room.] 
This IB the place. [Takes card out of 
pocket and reads.] Mark Horton^ 
Attorney at law^ Sioux FallSy S. D. 
[Indicates with wave of hand.] That's 
his private office — bis bird trap, [Puts 
card in pocket.] I wish I had more 
gush, more rosy-posy, morning dew, but 
I haven't got it, so I'll have to play my 
game with the joker up my sleeve. 
Huh, morning dew! If it w^ere bills due, 
I'd be there with a flush. The first 
card I shall play in this game of 
skipaloo is to employ my wife's lawyer 
to do some business for Mr. Binks from 
Binktown. I'll engage him to look up 
some good local investment for forty or 
fifty thousand. That will direct hie 



MR. BINKS FROM BINKTOWN. 7 
attention to me. Mrs. Poppleton has the 
beauty, but I have the money. I am 
sure her lawyer will reach for the long- 
green. They all do. I don't see anybody 
around here. Oh, well I I've plenty of 
time. I'll just sit down and wait untU 
someone comes. [Sees screen.] If Mrs. 
Poppleton should come, that will 
serve to conceal me. Then I can slip 
out when she's not looking, or other- 
wise engaged. I am afraid she's 
otherwise engaged, just now. [Orins.] 
Oh, she's a canary ! [Goes behind screen, 
and sits down in chair. Takes out 
cigar. Is about to light it] No, that 
won't do. The smoke would give mo 
away. [Returns cigar to pocket.] Binks 
don't smoke. 

Enter Fanny from private 
office with sheet of paper. 

Fanny. Here is another page of 
Poppleton vs. Poppleton. I thought I 
had finished the whole of that nonsense. 

Jeremiah. {Coming from behind 
screen.) You don't seem to care for 
nonsense. You want the solid and the 
real— the com with the ring to it. 

Fanny. {Startled.— Angrily.) How do 
you know, what! want? 



8 MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

Jeremiah. How do I know a sensible 
young woman, when I see her? 

Fanny. {Placated.) Who are you? 

Jeremiah. I'm Mr. Binks from 
Binktown. 

Fanny. Binktown! 

Jeremiah. Yes, Binktown — Binktown, 
Indiana. 

Fanny. I don't remember ever having 
seen that town on the map. 

Jeremiah. It isn't on the map. 

Fanny. Not on the map! 

Jeremiah. No. I wouldn't let them 
put on. 

Fanny. How could you prevent it? 
Jeremiah. I own the town. 

Fanny. Oh, that's it! Did you come 
to see Mr. Horton? 

Jeremiah. No, 1 came to see you. 

Fanny. To see me! I am Mr. 
Horton's stenographer- 

Jeremiah. Well, if I get you first, I'll 
have no trouble getting him. 

Fanny. What do you mean? 

Jeremiah. I don't mean anything- 
Do you? 

Fanny. I don't know what to make 
of you. 

Jeremiah. Here is a hundred dollars 
for your good-will. [Offers her money.] 



MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 9 

You can make that much of me. 

Fanny. I can't take your money, sir. 

Jeremiah. Reach out that pretty 
little hand of yours and try. There are 
no conditions attached to it but your 
good- will. And that, I'm going to have, 
if I have to buy you a diamond ring 
and an automobile. 

Fanny. (Aside.) I have a strong 
suspicion this is Poppleton. I'll act on 
this suspicion, and teach Mark Hortou 
a lesson, he'll not forget. (Aloud.) If 
I understand you, Mr. Binks— 

Jeremiah. I am a friend of Popple- 
ton's. Poppleton don't want his wife to 
get a divorce. I am here to prevent it. 
You are klorton's stenographer. Horton 
IS Mrs. Poppleton's attorney. If I get 
the stenographer, I've got the lawyer. 
When I've got the lawyer, I've got the 
client. When I've got the client, 
Poppleton has got his wife. Take the 
money. If I win, I'll give you a thou- 
sand more. 

Fanny. (Suddenly.) Give me the 
money. 

Jeremiah. Here it is. 

[Gives her money. 

Fanny. [Throwing arms around him.\ 
You're the dearest, sweetest man, I ever 



10 MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

met. 

Jeremiah. What, so soon! 

Fanny. I'm so glad! 

Jeremiah. I — I didn't expect this, no^ 
no,— not quite so soon. 

Fanny. I didn't either. Oh, I'm so 
glad! 

[Hugs him. 

Jeremiah. Are you a grass widow? 

Panrty. No, no! But, I am so glad 
you are here. Yuur coming is most 
fortunate for me; most fortunate for 
you. Oh, you dear man! 

[Hugs him. 

Jeremiah. {Embracing Fanny.) This 
is a most pleasing surprise. I played 
the deuce of diamonds, and trumped 
the queen of hearts. [Chuckles.] What's 
your name? 

Fanny. Fanny— Fanny Fen ten. You 
can call me, Fanny. 

Jeremiah, Oh, can I! 

Fanny. Yes! What shall I call you? 

Jeremiah. Why— er— er — er— ©all me, 
Binks. 

Fanny. I'll call you, Binksy. 

Jeremiah. Oh, you pet! [Chucks her 
under chin.] You'll help me won't you, 
Fanny? 

Fanny. Indeed, I will. 



MR. BINK& PROM BINKTOWN. 11 

Jeremiah. [With arm over her ahoul- 
dcn] You believe I'm a man of honor; 
that you can trust me,— confide in me? 

Fanny. It eeems like it, judging 
from my present proximity. 

Jeremiah. That's so! [ChuckUi.] I 
ought not to have asked that question. 
How stupid of me! 

Enter Mark Horton at 
door, L. Has rose in hand. 

Fanny. {Breaking from Jeremiah 
with slight scream.) Oh. heavens! 

Jeremiah. "What's the matter? You're 
not \ifcl|Btruck with heart failure? [Sees 
Norton.] Oh— {Aside.) I'll bet, this is 
Mr. Prunes, himself. 

Mark. You seem to be quite at home 
here, air, 

Jeremiah. That's a peculiarity of 
mine. I always make myself at home 
wherever I am» 

Fanny. {Advancig.) This is Mr. Hor- 
ton, Mr. BinKs. Mr. Horton, Mr. Binks 
from Binktown. Mr. Binks is an old ^ 
friend of mine. 

Mark. {Bowing stiffly.) Mr. Binks! 

Jeremiah. {Bowing stiffly,) Mr Hor- 
ton. 

Fanny. Binktown is in Indiana. Mr 



12 MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

B'mke owns the town. 

Mark. Ah, indeed! 

Jeremiah. Through the kindness of 
my interesting young friend here, I 
have been directed to you. Possibly, I 
shall need the services of an attorney 
in certain affairs that may arise during 
my stay here. Here is a retainer of five 
hundred dollars. [Offers H or ton money. ^\ 
If I need you, you will have to act; if 
not, the money is yours. 

Mark. What is the nature of the 
case, that is liable to arise? 

Jeremiah. Civil — purely civil! Can't 
discuss it now. 

Mark. {Taking money.) Very well, 
Mr, Binks, call on me when you need 
me. For the present, you will have to 
excuse me. I am expecting a lady 
client. Could you drop in, in an hour 
or two? 

Jeremiah. {Looking at watch.) In a 
couple of hours? Yes, sir, most 
conveniently. 

Mark, I am sorry, I can't chat with 
you now. 

Jeremiah. A lady should always be 
first; first in the mind of man, though 
second in creation. She was made from 
the rib of man, and — and she's been 



\ 



\ 



MR. BINKS FROM BINKTOWN. 13 

food of rib-bons ever since. 

Mark. {With sour smile.) Quite a 
conceit! I will be at leisure, sir, about 

four o'clock. 

Jeremiah. {Going.) Very well, sir. 
{Aside.) He's cold— cold as an oyster on 
ice. J wonder, if he is m love with his 
stenographer. If he is, I jarred him. 

[Chuckles. Exit at door, L. 

Mark. So that is an old friend of 
yours? 

Fanny. Yes. 

Mark. He seems t,o have money. 

Fanny. Money! He's worth a million. 

Mark. You don't say! 

Fanny. He was delighted to see me. 

Mark. So I should judge. Is he 
married? 

Fanny. You don't suppose, I would 
allow a married man such familiarity? 

Mark. No — of course, not! Here is 
a rose I brought you. 

[Offers her rose. 

Fanny. Are you quite sure, you 
brought it for me.' 

Mark. For you, certainly. Take it. 

Fanny. Well, I will. [Takes rose, and 
throws it at private office door.] There, 
give it to your client, Ethelinda Popple 
ton. 



U MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

Mark. You astonish me! 

Fanny. She ie more entitled to it 
than I am. 

Mark. Why, more entitled? 

Fanny. Aek your own vacillating 
heart. Oh, well! you are not the only 
trout in the brook. 

Mark. You are very unkind. 

[Picks up rose 

Fanny. Get Ethelinda her divorce 
and marry her, and you will soon forget 
my uukindness. 

Mark. {Aside.) I guesfc* she told the 
truth, that time. 

lExit into private ojjtice, closing 
door behind him. 

Fanny. {Dropping head in hands.) 
Oh, misery, misery! What shall I do! 
Just as I begun to love him, I must 
lose him. [Binstling up.] Ethelinda 
shall not get a divorce, do, not if can 
prevent it. 

Enter Jeremiah Poppleton 
at door, L, tiptoeing. 

Jeremiah. {In loud ivhiaper, pointing 
to L.) She's coming! She's coming! 
Fanny. He is in there. 

[Points to private office. 
Jeremiah. Elhelinda's coming! 



MR. BINKb PROM BINKTOWN. 15 

Panoy. Hush! 
[Jeremiah dodges behind screen 
and sits down. 

Enter Ethelinda Foppleton at 
door, L. 

Ethelioda. Good afternoon, Panny! 

Jeremiah. (Aside.) liisten to that 
bird-like voice. That's Ethelinda. 

Panny. Good afternoon, Mrs. Popple- 
ton! 

Ethelinda. Is Mr. Horlon in? 

Panny. He is io his private office* 

Ethelinda. Oh, thank you! 

Panny. He is waiting for you. 

Ethelinda. Is he! Well, I'll step 
right in. 

[Exit into private office. Closes 
door behind her. Fanny puts on 
hat. 

Jeremiah. She don't want to keep 
him waiting. She'd keep me waiting for 
a lifetime, if I'd let her. But I won't 
let her. No, not if I have to buy that 
lawyer by the pound, and pound him to 
death after I have bought him. 

Panny. (Advancing to screen.) I 
am going out in the air. 

Jeremiah. (Rising.) Don't go! Wait! 
Come in here. I want to talk with you- 



16 MR,. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

Fanny. I feel as if I should fly! 

Jeremiah. Don't! Ethelinda is on 
the wing. Wait 'til she lights. 

Fanny. I shall axplode! 

Jeremiah. Don't— you might knock 
down this screen. 

Fanny. Oh, dear! 

Jeremiah. Don't worry. If Mrs. 
Poppleton gets a divorce, I'll marry you. 

Fanny. Marry me? 

Jeremiah. Yes; I'll make you Mrs. 
Binks from Binktown. 

Fanny, You are awful good! 

Jeremiah. That's what Poppleton 
said, when he sent me after his wife. 

Fanny. Poppleton is a niddle- 
noddle. 

Jeremiah. (Aside.) She don't know, 
that I am Poppleton. 

Fanny. What shall I do! 

Jeremiah. Come in here. We can 
pass the lime as pleasantly as they can. 
We have all the chips in the game, they 
have. Come on— but bring a chair with 
you. There's only one chair in here. 
Of course, you wouldn't sit on my lap, 

Fanny. What! 

Jeremiah. No, not until Mrs. Popple- 
ton gets a divorce. 
Fanny. [Taking off hat,) You make 



MK. BINK6 FROM BINKTOWN. 17 

me laugh! 

Jeremiah. Poppleton made Etbelinda 
laugh. Now she's trying to get a divorce 
from him. If I ever get her back — I 
mean, if Poppleton ever gets her back — 

Fanny. {Coming behind acreen with 
chair.) What are you talking about? 

Jeremiah. About Poppleton. Say, 
what do you suppose they are doing in 
there now. 

Fanny. Oh, passing a few compli- 
ments. 

Jeremiah. I hope that's all. 

Fanny. Why should it worry you? 
Mrs. Poppleton is nothing to you. 

Jeremiah. No, she is nothing to 
Binks. Binks has no wife. But Popple- 
ton has. Aren't you sorry for 
Poppleton? 

Fanny. No; I'm oorry for Binks. 

Jeremiah. Why are you sorry for 
Binks? 

Fanny. Because he has no wife. 

Jeremiah. {Gazing at Fanny.) Ah, 
you're a brown-eyed canary, yourself. 

Fanny. Binks, you are the kind of 
man I like. 

[Hangt hat on chair and tits. 

Jeremiah. Why, Fanny? 

[Sitt down in ehair at left of 



18 MR. BINKS PROM BINETOWN. 

Fanny. 

Fanny. Because there's some fun 
in you. 

Jeremiah. Yes, I'm about as full of 
those kind of feelings as any man you 
ever saw, 

[Chucklet. 

Fanny. Did you ever have a serious 
thought? 

Jeremiah. No, not that I remember 
of. If I ever did, I didn't allow it to 
dog me. 

Fanny. How did you get rid of it? 

Jeremiah. I canned it. 

Fanny. Are you going to stay in the 
city long? 

Jeremiah. That depends entirely 
upon what happens in that office. 
[Jumps up and peep$ over »creen.] 
What do you suppose they are doing in 
there now? 

Fanny. I came in here to be enter- 
tained, not to talk about them. [Jumps 
up,\ I am desperate! 

Jeremiah. What's the matter with 
you? 

Fanny. Can't you see? Have you no 
sense? Don't you know anything^ 
Are your brains in your head, or have 
you had them removed? 



MR. BINKS FROM BINKTOWN. 19 

Jeremiah. {Backing down.) D— d if I 
understand you! You've got me treed. 

Fanny. Can't you catch on? Can't 
you see, I am a heartbroken woman? 
A woman that needs sympathy, 
consolation, affection, adoration- 
Jeremiah. Say, yoa don't expect to 
get that all in one lump, do you? 

Fanny. I expect you to understand. 

Jeremiah. I do understand, and we'll 
settle this matter right now. Will you 
marry Binks, if Mrs. Popple ton gets a 
divorce? 

Fanny. I'll marry Binus, if Mrs. 
Poppleton never gets a divorce. 

Jeremiah. {Shaking head.) No, that 
would be bigamy. 

Fanny. Bigamy! Why, you are not 
married. 

Jeremiah. I am glad you've told me. 
[Peepa over screen,] What do you sup- 
pose, they are doing in there now? 

Fanny. I suppose her head is lying 
upon his breast, and his lips pressed to 
hers — 

Jeremiah. The devil you say! 

[Stai'ts to leave screen. 

Fanny. {Grabbing hi» coat-tailB.) 
Where are you going? 

Jeremiah. In that office to lay hii 



20 MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

bead on my breast. 

[Make» punching motions. 

Fancy. What's the matter with yout 
She's not your wife, 

Jeremiah. (Tragetically.) How do you 
know she's not my wife? 

Fanny. Because she is Poppleton's 
wife, and you are Binks — Binks from 
Binktown. 

Jeremiah. (Collapting—sComic.) That's 
so, BO I am. 

[Wipes faee with large gaudy silk 
handkerchief. 

Fanny. Are you warm? 

Jeremiah. Yes — under the collar. 

[Fanny laughs aside. 

Fanny. You said, you were going 
to entertain me. 

Jeremiah, Did I? Very well. [Sits 
down in chair.] What shall I do for 
you, whistle or sing? 

Fanny. Oh, pshaw! 

Jeremiah. If I could just look m 
that oflBce — 

Fanny. Nonsense! There is a woman 
m there with him, and there is a woman 
out here with you. 

Jeremiah. Yes, but his peach is 
a wind-fall; mia« is still on the tree. 

Fanny. Please explain. 



MR. BINK6 FROM BINKTOWN. 21 

Jeremiah. You've never beeo married. 

Fanny. That is easiJy remedied. 

Jeremiah. How? 

Fanny. Marry me. 

Jeremiah. Impossible, until my 
wife — 

Fanny. Your wife! 

[Both Jump up. 

Jeremiah. N-n-n-o, I mean Popple- 
ton's wife. 

Fanny. Oh! 
IBoth sit down. Fanny laughs 
aside. 

Jeremiah. {Aside.) I'm getting moving 
pictures in my head. 

[Mops face with handkerchief. 

Fanny. That's a lively colored hand- 
kerchief. 

Jeremiah. Yes, I bought it at a lady's 
buzz-zar. [Spreads out handkerchief,] 
It's a polka-dot. 

Fanny. (Aside.) It looks like an 
aurora borealis. [Aloud.) Do you know 
anything about fast horses— trotting 
horses? 

Jeremiah. Yes. [Innocently.] I read 
about them in my farm journal. 

Fanny. Well, in horse-racing it is only 
a question of who gets ahead. 

Jeremiah. Huh, I see. If it weren't 



22 MR. BINKS FROM BINKTOWN. 

for Ethelinda — 
Fanny. Husb! 
[Jeremiah Jumps up and peeps over 
screen. 

Enter Mark Horton and 
Ethelinda Poppleton from 
private office. 

Jeremiah. {In low voice to Fanny.) 
They've come out! 

Ethelinda. Fanny is not here. 
[Fanny peeps around end of screen, 
Jeremiah over screen. 

Mark. My dear Ethelinda, such love 
as yours must be rescued from all 
vulgar contamination. 

Ethelinda. I am so happy with you. 

Mark. Would we were far away 
under some moonlit sky where the 
nightingales sing. 

Jeremiah. (In low voice to Fanny.) 
Listen to that, Fanny! Some moonlit 
sky where— where — the cuckoos coo — 

Fanny. Hush! 

Ethelinda. Oh, if we were on some 
lone island! 

Jeremiah. (Aside.) I'll take her to 
Coney islaod. 

Mark. This can be no passing dr«am. 
No delusion — 



MR. BINKS FROM BINKTOWN. 23 

Ethelinda, In you, Mark, I have 
found my affinity. 

Jeremiah. {In low voice to Fanny.) 
She has found her affinity! Ttat does 
settle it. 

Fanny. (In low voice to Jeremiah.) 
What ails you ! I begin to believe, you 
are after Mrs. Poppleton, yourself. 
Hush! Look! 

[Fanny and Jeremiah peep. Mark 
and Ethelinda fondling and 
loving. Mark kisses Ethelinda 
passionately. 

Jeremiah. (To Fanny^ow voice.) 
He's handing her the hot cakes now. 

Fanny. (Low voice.) You and I will 
elope. 

Jeremiah. (Low voice.) Yes — we'll go 
to Reno. 

Fanny. Hush — look! 

[Fanny and Jeremiah peep. 

Mark. Don't go darling. Fanny has 
gone home. Don't go. Stay, and we'll 
lock the door, and have some lunch. 

Ethelinda. That will be charming! 

Mark. I'll go to the restaurant— 

Ethelinda. You will have to hurry. 
Some one might come. 

Mark. What kind of lunch do you 
like, love? 



24 Ma.BINKSFBOMmNKTOWN_ 

— — 7^; — ^1 7., \ T always aengni' 

kind. , . -J N A beer lunch! 

,e,ea..b. Now. be.e >s^«';- } ^r, 

arms about Fanny. i ^.^^^ ^ 

,„„, I'"buy»";/automobUe, anda 

Fanny. (Str««9««9 «»<* '^'"''"''•^ 
™.)I'oveyounoveyou- 

jeremiab. {StiU hug^ng Fanny.) 
This is no passing dream ^^^^.^ 

■";L.»,.h^ Bu„i« . -» ■'» '"- 



MR. BIN Kfe FROM BINKTOWN. 25 

I thiok, I'll win. 

Ethelinda. Jeremiah Popplelon listen 
to me — 

Fanny. Are you Jeremiah Popple- 
ton? 

Jeremiah. I guess, I am. 

Fanny. Then who is Binks from, 
Binktown? 

Jeremiah. Binks is Poppleton; 
Poppleton IS Binke. 

Fanny. Then you are a married man! 
[Mock crying— ^laughs aside.] To deceive 
a poor girl! 

Jeremiah. Tat, tut! Don't cry. 
This race is not over yet. 

Enter Mark Horton at door, L. 
with beer lunch on tray. 

Mark. Here is the lunch. 

Jeremiah. Horton, my dear fellow, 
1 hope you have brought enough for all. 

Mark. [Angrily) I told you four 
o'clock. 

Ethelinda. Why, that is Poppleton! 
He has been behind that screen all the 
while. [Mark drops beer lunch in 
dismay.] I found him hugging and 
kiBsing your stenographer. 

Jeremiah. Yes, and I saw him 
[Point a to Mark.] hugging and kiesing 



MR 



.BINKSFROMBINKTOWN._ 



my wife. 

Mark. You saw im- 

her affinuy. ^ ^*^ 

Mark. I tear there has beet, 

miah, L. ^wmrp© Mrs. 

Poppletcn A.nd ^^^ ^^^ 

We are a" labonng under a 



one too 
Mark 



delusion. ^^„„ as this 

Jeremiah. P»°°J' * ^ you and I 

divorce business - -^f^Vw whether 
will get married. 1 don ^^^^ 

Hortonisworthacopp .but ^^^^^^ 

I have a quarter of « »'»'°; ;„„tt,er, 
flew out ot mycage^ ^^Ts Poppleto"- 

gant;a-goi»3. ^, Jeremiah! 

Etheiinda. J-^-^jtls .o much ot 

L-rmrot\r;u.Jbeman^w. 

r/r:n:o-rantrwiUin...ve 



xMR. BINKS FROM BINKTOWN. 27 

up. Won't you take me back, dear? 

Jeremiah. Panoy, what do you say 
about it? 

Mark. Fanny, listen to me. I have 
made a mistake. The charm of that 
most attractive woman led me from you, 
but now I realize— I— I— won't you— 

[Opens arms. 

Fanny. Yes, yes, Mark. 

[Rushes into his arms. 

Mark. You have conquered. 

Ethelinda. May I come to you, 
Jeremiah? 

Jeremiah. Come on. 

Ethelinda. {Advancing tou^irds him.) 
I am so ashamed. 

Jeremiah. I am, too.. 

Ethelinda. Fll never do it again. 

Jeremiah. I won't, either. 

Ethelinda. {Dropping into his arms.) 
You'll forgive me, love, won't you? 

Jeremiah. Of course. Fanny, I will 
give you a thousand dollars in the 
morning. 

Fanny. A thousand dollars! 

Jeremiah. Yes, I said I would, if 
I won. I've woo. 

Ethelinda. (To Jeremiah.) Are you 
happy, now? 

Jeremiah. Yeq, I've gc»t my canary. 



28 MR. BINKS PROM BINKTOWN. 

Ethelinda. Oh, you are such a dear! 

Jeremiah. No, I am an Elk. 

Mark. (Grinning.) Well, you have 
the dough. 

Jeremiah. See here, young man, if 
you don't marry that girl inside the 
next ten days, I'll prosecute you for 
attempted assassination of my wife's 
character. 

Mark. Miss. Penton and I will be 
married in a few days, and we extend 
to you and your charming wife a cordial 
invitation to be present at our wedding. 

Jeremiah. Panny, I'll give you 
another thousand the day you are 
married. 

Panny. How lovely! 

Ethelinda. {To Jeremiah.) The land- 
lady warned me- about a strange 
gentleman stopping at the hotel. Was 
that you, love? 

Jeremiah. No; that was Mr. Binks 
from Binktown. 

CURTAIN. 



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